I think you already know the answer to your question, so let me help you with the part that’s getting in the way of your acting on it. You sound clear about wanting to cultivate relationships with your extended family, but you’re struggling to embrace the fact that, as an adult, you’re free to choose how to live your life.
Children don’t have this freedom, so if a parent chooses to alienate a child from a grandparent, the child misses the opportunity to form what might be a meaningful relationship. Studies show that when kids are close with their grandparents, they’re less likely to become depressed as adults. Grandparent-grandkid relationships can be a source of comfort, learning, and fun, even with those grandparents who had a challenging relationship with their own child many years ago. Many grandparents will relate to their grandchild in a different way